How to Stop the Most Destructive of Relationship Patterns
One of the most common destructive patterns I see couples get stuck in over and over again is the Request/Withdraw cycle. Request/Withdraw is when one partner tries to engage his or her mate (e.g. tries to get their partner to talk about or do something) and the other person does not engage. Partner 1: What […]
Tips for Surviving Sheltering in Place
None of us have ever experienced anything even remotely resembling these past several weeks. Never before has there been an event in our lives with every possibly ingredient for emotional distress packed into one nice, neat and unexpected package. Suddenly all your routines have been altered, you may be under tremendous financial duress or uncertainty, […]
11 Weird and Fun Psychology Facts
I don’t know about you but I need a break from reading and thinking about all that is happening in the world right now. Here are 11 fun facts about humans that will help to take your mind off everything and amaze and amuse your friends and family: 1) On average, you spend 30% of […]
Love is the Drug
This is the first of a periodic series of articles that explore how and why we fall in love and how something so wonderful can sometimes feel so horrible. When you first fall in love you are literally out of your mind. Your brain is bathed in all of these wonderful neurochemicals and hormones like […]
How to Build Trust in Your Relationships
One of the things I’m most frequently asked about is how to build or rebuild trust. It’s fundamental to any relationship. Without it, you can never really feel fully intimate or connected. Brene Brown has recently released an amazing video, “The Anatomy of Trust” (http://www.supersoul.tv/supersoul-sessions/the-anatomy-of-trust ) which provides a simple step by step formula for […]
5 Secrets to a Happier (and Stronger!) Marriage
When I tell people what I do one of the questions I’m most often asked is “why do couples seek therapy”. The most common couples reason couples offer is communication, but in my experience the real reason most couples come to therapy is that they’ve forgotten how to be a couple with everything else being […]
How to Tell With 95% Certainty If Your Relationship Is Going to Fail and What You Can Do About It
It’s hard to be married or in a committed relationship. How hard? The numbers vary somewhat depending on which study you read, but it’s estimated that anywhere from 40% to 50% of first marriages end in divorce. The odds of a successful relationship get slimmer with each go round – roughly two out of three […]
Why Conflicts Go Unresolved
The Harvard Negotiation Project spent years studying hundreds of conversations in great detail. They discovered that there is an underlying structure to every conversation. It turns out that no matter what the subject is, each conversation has three levels to it: What Happened Feelings Identity The reason conflicts go unresolved is that the vast majority […]
7 Questions to Revive Your Relationship
Many of you have heard me say that the longer you know your partner, the less you may really know him or her. This is because of our tendency to interpret what our partner says based on our world view instead of taking the time to understand where your partner is coming from Because of […]
Empathy: The Art of Listening
How many times has this happened to you? You come home and can see that your partner is stressed out and unhappy. You ask what’s wrong and s/he tells you about something crappy going on at work or with friends. Being the good partner that you are you offer your advice to your beloved only to […]
